I heard this eulogy by Bishop Basil, and within less than a minute was sobbing for myself (as well as for every priest’s wife and priest’s kid everywhere) and then stood back in awe of my husband’s marvelous and awesome task as a shepherd for Christ’s holy flock. Lord have mercy upon the reposed priest Alexander, upon his family, and upon us all!

Archimandrite John Krestiankin: Sermon on Cheesefare Sunday

The Holy Gospels testify that, Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness… And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungered (Mt. 4:1–2). And the devil came to Him and tempted Him. Great is the audacity and blindness of the dark power. Having made progress in tempting man in paradise, it began to war against God unto blindness, not recognizing in Christ the Savior and Son of God; it approached His meekness, humility, patience, purity, and holiness with the darkness of temptations woven from pride, betrayal, conceit, and lies. But sinless Christ God, Who needed no purification, opposed the tempter with fasting and prayer, showing all of us who follow Him the path of struggle with sin. And the Lord confirmed by word and deed that this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting (Mt. 17:21).

By prayer and fasting, the Christian receives the strength of the Spirit from the Lord for his struggle with the enemy; through fasting and prayer he receives the gift of discernment and the mind of Christ; prayer and fasting lights the light, which disperses the darkness of sinful life, for, The light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not (Jn. 1:5).

But by his will, man chooses between a path of corruption and incorruption, good and evil. If woe, suffering, and death entered life through the sin of disobedience to God, then only through obedience, prayer, and fasting—our living sacrifice of love for God—can the light of supreme righteousness, peace, and joy return. And this, my dear ones, is paradise on earth.

However, according to God’s commandment, love for God on earth manifests only as love for people. The heart of a Christian can warm itself and burn only with a two-in-one love for God and people simultaneously. If our heart is hard and cruel toward our brother, to man, then darkened by dislike, coldness, and cruelty, it becomes indifferent or hypocritical toward God. And paradise, which could have been so close—in our heart—leaves and fades, and the sin of lack of love gives birth to disobedience, conceit, and self-love.

COMPLETE SERMON
http://www.pravoslavie.ru/english/51820.htm

Abbot Tryphon: When People Won't Forgive

There are people who insist on holding on to resentment, often inventing situations in their minds that never happened, justifying their bad behavior, and putting the blame on others. They see themselves as the abused party, always quick to take offense. Rarely are they able to have healthy relationships, for they are in reality, the abusers. Their world centers around them, and any attempt by others to appease them, only contributes to the anti-social behavior.

Such behavior betrays a deep spiritual and psychological illness, one that is not easily healed. Such people feel empowered by making other people uncomfortable, and normal attempts at rapprochement often end in failure, for such people are always looking for ways to continue their control over others. Their illness is difficult to heal, for their pride and deep seated sense of superiority makes repentance difficult, for they simply don't see themselves as having a problem.

The cure for the illness of the soul is to be found in the life of the Church, where Her sacred mysteries (the sacraments), Her scriptures, and Her divine services, are the source for the healing that the heart so craves. Forgiveness Sunday Vespers is but one of the sources that can begin the process of healing, for it is during this service that the faithful, one by one, speak the words, "Please forgive me for any hurt or offense I have cause you in any way".

The response, "God forgives. Please forgive me for any hurt or offense I have cause you in any way", exemplifies the Church's teaching that we can only forgive others if we have Christ in us, for it is Christ Who gives us the power to forgive. Since God forgives us, we, too, can forgive.

One of the Desert Fathers tells us of a young monk who came to his elder, complaining that he'd been wronged by one of his brothers, and following the holy tradition of the desert, had gone to the one who had wronged him, asking for forgiveness. The erring brother refused, so the wronged brother wanted to know what he should do in response. The elder told the young monk that he had walked away justified in the eyes of God, and that there was nothing left for him to do, except to pray for his erring brother.

This true story from the Desert Fathers makes clear that we must always be quick to forgive others, even if they were at fault, not remembering the wrong done to us, nor depend on the other cooperating in the reconciliation. Their repentance is not required, for we will be held accountable only for our own response. Before God, we will be justified.

When another person refuses to accept our heartfelt apology, we must be willing to let it be, and walk away, knowing that we've done our part. Abusive people such as these, can, if we let them, prevent us from living our own life in Christ, for they keep our focus away from the forgiveness that comes from Christ. When we walk away from such negative people, we walk away having forgiven them, and we commit ourselves to praying for their repentance. There is nothing more we can do.

Keeping our focus on Christ, we do not react, do not resent, and do not lose our inner peace. The sickness that is at the basis of controlling, abusive people, must not be allowed to take away from the inner joy and peace that comes from our personal relationship with Christ.

For your own soul's sake, and for the soul of the abuser, continue to pray for them, but go your own way, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).”

Love in Christ,

Abbot Tryphon

http://morningoffering.blogspot.ca/2014/02/rejected-when-people-dont-forgive-there.html?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews&m=1

http://www.ancientfaith.com/podcasts/morningoffering/when_people_wont_forgive

St Porphyrios: On the Issues of Sadness, Sorrow & Anguish

THE ELDER PORPHYRIOS

ON THE ISSUES OF SADNESS, SORROW & ANGUISH

Translated from the Greek by: Fr. Constantine (Charles) J. Simones

            The important thing for us is to be part of the Church.  It is important for us to be in unity with our fellow man, with the joys and sorrows of all people.  We should feel like they are our people and that we should pray for everyone. We should pray for their salvation and forget about ourselves.  We should want to do everything we can do for them just as Christ did for us.  By being in the Church, we become one with every unfortunate and hurting sinner.  No one should want to save himself without others also being saved.  It is wrong for a person to pray for himself so that just he will be saved.  We should love everyone and we should pray that no one is spiritually lost, that all of them should be part of the Church.  That has value.  It is with such an attitude that a person should leave this life.

            In the Church, this attitude is where we have the sacraments that save us and there is no despair.  We may be very sinful.  We then confess our sins.  The priest reads the prayer of absolution over us and our sins are forgiven and then we move on to eternal life without anxiety or fear.

            Whoever lives with Christ becomes one with Him, with the Church.  He lives a type of insanity because that life that he lives is different from the life of other people. It is joy, it is light, it is delight, and it is resurrection.  This is the life of the Church, the life of the Gospel and of the Kingdom of God.  “The Kingdom of God is within us.” (Luke 17:21).  Christ enters us and we enter Him.  It is like a piece of iron that is placed in a fire and it becomes fire and light.  When it is taken out of the fire it again becomes dark iron.

            All those who criticize the Church because of the errors made by its representatives make a big mistake. They supposedly do this to help and correct the Church’s wrongs.  These people do not really love the Church.  Neither, of course do they love Christ.  We love the Church when we, through our prayers, embrace every member of the Church and do whatever Christ does.  We sacrifice ourselves.  We become vigilant.  We do everything we can to do just as He did. “Who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return.” (1 Peter 2:23).

            We should relate to the rituals of the Church.  We should live the sacraments, especially the sacrament of Holy Communion.  Holy Orthodoxy is found in them. Christ is offered in the Church, in the sacraments and especially in Holy Communion.

            But for many people, Church is a struggle filled with anguish and agony.  This is why these so-called religious people consider themselves unfortunate for they see themselves to be in a terrible state.  And surely, if a person does not understand the depth of religion and lives its saving message, it becomes a fearful sickness. It is so fearful that a person loses control of his actions.  He becomes inconsiderate and feeble.  He is filled with anxiety and sorrow and acts with an evil spirit (under demonic influence).  He does genuflections, he cries, he shouts, he feigns humbleness, and all this humbleness is simply a satanic act.  Some of the people live their religion like some type of hell.  In Church, they do genuflections, make the sign of the Cross, and say we are sinful, unworthy and as soon as they leave the Church they start blaspheming holy things when someone upsets them.  It is clearly revealed here that this is demonic.

            In reality, the Christian faith changes a person and heals him.  But the most important presupposition for a person to have is to comprehend and understand where truth is. It is found in humbleness, for egotism darkens the mind of man.  Egotism confuses him. It leads him to delusion and to heresy.  It is very important for man to know the truth.  Mixed-up people follow heresies.  Mixed-up children come from mixed-up parents.

            Many times, religious expressions such as genuflections and crossing oneself will not attract Divine Grace.  These are mysterious things.  The most fundamental thing to do is to abandon the superficial and go to the essence of things.  Whatever happens, it should happen with love. 

            When we do not live with Christ, we will live in sadness, in sorrow, in anguish and in worry.  We cannot live productively without Christ.  If we live without Christ then many anomalies manifest themselves in our bodies.  Our bodies are afflicted in our endocrine glands, in our liver, in the pancreas, and in the stomach.  People tell you: “In order for you to be healthy you should drink milk in the morning, eat an egg along with two or three pieces of buttered toast.” But yet, if you live properly like being in love with Jesus, you will be fine by just eating an orange or an apple.  The best medicine for you is to worship Christ.  All things then are healed.  All things then function properly.  The love of God changes all things.  It transforms everything.  Things are sanctified. Things are corrected. They are changed. Jesus rearranges everything for us.

            The love of Christ is something else in our lives.  There is no end to it.  It can never be satisfied.  It gives life.  It gives strength.  It gives health. It gives, it gives, and it gives.  And as much as He gives, so much more does man desire to be loved by Him while human love can corrupt man and make him crazy.  When we love Christ, all other loves are diminished.  Carnal love seeks to be satiated. In carnal love envy becomes a problem.  Griping enters the picture and it can even end up in murder.  Carnal love can be transformed into hatred but love in Christ never changes.  Worldly love lasts for a short time but slowly, slowly fades away while divine love always grows and becomes more profound.  Every other type of love can bring man to a point of dissolution.  Divine love raises us up to the sphere of God and grants us peace, joy and fullness. The other pleasures of life tire us but divine love never tires us.  It is an insatiable desire which a person never gets tired of.  It is the greatest good in our lives.

            When you love Christ, in spite of all your weaknesses and your awareness of them, you have the certainty that you have overcome death because you are in communion with the love of Christ.

            We should feel that Christ is our friend.  He personally verifies this when He says: “You are my friends” (John 15:14).  As a friend we should look to Him and approach Him.  Do I fall?  Do I sin?  We should hasten to be close to Him with a sense of familiarity, with love, and be confident.  We should do this without the fear that He will punish us. We should approach Him with confidence and the understanding that He is a friend.  We should say to Him: “Lord, I did it, I fell, forgive me.”  But at the same time we should do this knowing that He loves us, He accepts us tenderly with love and forgiveness.  Do not let sin separate you from the love of Christ.  When we believe that He loves us and we love Him, we will not feel like strangers and separated from Him, even when we have sinned.  We have secured His love and no matter how we act, we know He loves us. 

            The Gospel states specifically that which is unjust in life will find itself in that place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth because when one lives far from the God, that is the way things are.  We know this from the Neptic Fathers of the Church. (Nepsis and hesychia constitute the essential point of life.  Nepsis is the vigilance of the nous and the watchfulness of the gates of the heart.) Many of the Fathers speak about the fear of death and hell.  They say: “Always remember death.”  If we analyze these words carefully, there is a sense of fear of hell in them.  A person who desires to avoid sin thinks this way so that his soul will be constrained from sinning by fearing death, hell and Satan.

            All things in life have their purpose, their time and their circumstance. The meaning of fear is good during the first stages of spiritual development.  It is good for beginners.  It is good for the situation in which the old person still lives.  A person in the first stages of spiritual growth, a person who begins to understand himself is held back from evil by fear.  And fear is indispensable since we are matter and earth-bound.  But that is one stage only.  It is one of the lower levels of spiritual development in reference to the divine.  Let us look at a specific situation since we desire to storm the gates of paradise and be rescued from hell.  If we look at this issue of fear carefully it can be used for our benefit.  I like this way of doing things. When a person proceeds and enters into the love of God, why does he need fear anymore?  Whatever he does, he does it out of love and that has greater value.  For a person who attempts to be good because of the fear of God, then this does not have much value. 

            Whoever wishes to become a Christian must first become a poet.  If the soul is corrupted and becomes unworthy of the love of Christ, Jesus cuts off His relationship with it because He does not want fat souls close to him.

            Nobody should be allowed to see and to observe one’s private moments of worship towards the divine. All these things should be done in private, mystically, just like in the life of an ascetic.  Do you remember when I told you the story of the nightingale? It sings in the silence of the forest.  Who hears it or praises it?  How beautiful it sings in the wilderness.  If it expresses love, it puffs up its diaphragm and it becomes like a hairy tongue.  It may sit in a cave or in a ravine and mystically praises God. Scorn your passions.  Do not have dealings with the devil and turn toward Christ.

            The very slightest complaint against your neighbor affects your soul and as a result of this it cannot pray.  When the Holy Spirit finds your soul in such a state, It does not dare to approach it.

            We should always desire to seek after the will of God.  That is to our benefit.  It is the best thing for us and for those for whom we pray.  Christ will give us everything most abundantly. But even if there is just a little egotism in us, nothing can be accomplished with prayer.

            When God does not give us something that we insist on, He has His reason for doing this.  We should know that God also has His secrets.

            If you are not obedient to your father confessor and you are not humble, the Jesus Prayer cannot be effectual and there is the fear of us falling into delusion.              Do not say the Jesus Prayer as if it is a difficult task for you.  Forcing yourself to say the Jesus Prayer may bring about a negative reaction from within.  It can create something harmful.  Many people have become sick saying the Jesus Prayer because they forced themselves to say it.  It is not healthy for you to force yourself to pray.

            It is not important to gather your thoughts together to say the Jesus Prayer.  It does not need a special effort if you have acquired divine love.  Wherever you find yourself in your daily routine; on a bench, in a chair, in a car, everywhere—on the road, in school, in the office and at work, you can say the Jesus Prayer softly, without effort, and without being self-conscious about it.  The importance of the Jesus Prayer is not the length of the prayer but the intensity of the prayer.  Pray for even five minutes but offer this prayer to God with love and fervor.  A person can pray for a whole month while a five minute prayer can be more effectual.  Of course this is a mystery but that is the way it is.

            A man who belongs to Christ makes all things in his life a prayer.  Even in times of sorrow and difficulty this also becomes a time of prayer for us.  Whatever happens to us in life we immediately start the Jesus Prayer.  Prayer is profitable for all things, even the simplest of things.  For example, if you suffer from insomnia: do not think about sleep.  Get up, leave your room and then return to your room.  Get into bed as if it were for the first time without thinking whether or not you will fall asleep. Concentrate your thoughts and say the doxology and after this say the Jesus Prayer three times and in this way sleep will come to you.

            All things emanate from within us like our instincts and they desire to be satisfied.  If they are not satisfied at some point they seek revenge which creates spiritual problems for us. Unless we can direct them in the right direction we are in trouble..

            You do not become holy by hunting down the evil one.  Leave evil alone.  Instead look toward Christ and He will save you.  Instead of you standing outside the door and chasing away evil, ignore it.  Does evil come at you from a certain place?  Look quietly in that direction.  Evil is intent on embarrassing you.  You should direct your inner being toward that which is good, to Christ.  Pray: “Lord Jesus Christ forgive me.” He knows how to forgive you.  He knows the proper way to deal with you. He knows when you are full of that which is good and you no longer turn to that which is evil.  With the Grace of God, you yourself become good.  If you are at this point, can evil find a place to enter your life?  It disappears.  Are you overwhelmed by fear and disappointment?  You should turn to Christ.  Love Him simply, humbly and without reservations.  He Himself will unburden you.

            Do not choose negative ways to correct yourself.  It is not necessary for you to even fear the devil, hell, or anything else.   I myself have a little experience in dealing with this issue.  Our purpose is not to beat ourselves up and be uncomfortable so that we can improve.  Our purpose is to live, to study, to pray, and to move forward in love, in the love of Christ, in the love of the Church.

            Abandon all your weaknesses in a way that the evil one will not know that you are doing this. In doing this he will not have the opportunity to grab you, put you down and fill you with worry.  Do not make any effort to free yourself from these things.  You should struggle quietly and simply without struggle or sadness.  Do not say: “I will now force myself; I will pray in order to acquire love so that I may become good etc.”  It is not good for you to force yourself and beat yourself up in order to become good. In doing this, you will get a worse reaction.  All things are done quietly, unhurriedly and freely.  Neither should you say: “My God, free me from this, from anger and sorrow.”  It is not good for us to pray or to think about a specific passion.  When we do this something happens in our souls and we are in more turmoil.  By throwing yourself with force in order to defeat the passions you will see how evil envelopes you, squeezes you, and your soul will be rendered helpless.

            Freedom is not obtained if we do not first free our inner being from turmoil and passions. This is our Church. This is our joy. This is everything for us and that is what man is seeking today.  Man takes harmful things like narcotics so that he can supposedly enter the world of joy which is false joy. The addict feels something at the moment he takes the drugs and the following day he is a broken man.  One person feels ground up by this activity.  Another person feels eaten up by this.  Another feels like he has fried his brain. While on the other hand, a person given over to Christ is given life and joy.  It makes him joyful about life. He feels strong and wonderful about life.

            We need a specific plan to acquire holiness for our souls.  A person can become holy anywhere.  He can become holy even in Omonia Square (Athens) if he so desires.  Even at work, whatever that is you are doing, you can become holy.  This can be accomplished with meekness, patience, and love.  Every day you should have a new routine, a new desire, with a sense of enthusiasm, love, prayer and stillness. We should not be anxious about doing this and feel it is an effort.

            Deal with life’s problems with a sense of fervor, simply, quietly, without effort, with joy, exultation and a good attitude.  Divine Grace comes to us we when respond this way.  All unpleasant things that remain in your soul that bring about sadness, can become catalysts to worship God and they will then cease to cause you pain.  Have trust in God.

            When communication with Christ happens simply, quietly and without pressure, the devil will leave.  Satan does not depart under pressure or by squeezing him out of our lives.  He departs when he encounters meekness and prayer.  He retreats when he sees the soul ignore him and it turns its love toward Christ.  He cannot endure being ignored because he is haughty.  But on the other hand, when he is pressured, the evil spirit becomes aware of your efforts and fights you all the more.  Do not concern yourselves with the devil; neither should you demand that he leave.  As much as you ask him to leave the more he will stay and afflict you.  You should ignore the devil.  Do not fight him face to face.  When you fight him with spite he attacks like a tiger, like a wild cat.  When you shoot bullets at him he will throw hand grenades at you.  When you throw a bomb at him he will respond with an artillery barrage.  Do not look at anything evil.  You should look at the embrace of God and you should fall into His presence and proceed with life.

            A humble person is aware of what is happening to his inner being even though it is ugly and he does not like what he sees.  He should not lose his cool about it.  But with an egotist, the opposite thing happens.  In the beginning he is like a humble person.  But if a person bothers him a little, he immediately loses his sense of peace and becomes nervous and upset.

            When a person lives without God, without tranquility, without trustworthiness, but with agony, sorrow, and hopelessness he becomes physically and spiritually sick.  Psychosomatic diseases such as neurosis and split personalities are demonic conditions.  There is also a type of humbleness that is really demonic.  They call it a feeling of inferiority.  True humbleness does not speak.  It does not say humble things, such I am sinful, unworthy, and the least of all.  The humble person fears that these humble expressions will lead him to vanity.  The Grace of God never approaches such a person.  On the contrary, the Grace of God finds him wherever true divine humbleness exists which is complete trust in God.  It is our complete dependence on Him.

            A vain soul is banished from eternal life.  Finally, egotism is unabashed foolishness.  Vanity creates air heads.  When we do something to show off we end up spiritually empty.  Whatever we do, we should do it to thank God without personal interest, without vanity, without haughtiness, and without egotism; without, without…..

            The soul should never complain and say “why did God do this to me?  Why couldn’t He do it differently? “This indicates that internally we have small souls that object to God.  It indicates what a high opinion we have of ourselves in our haughtiness and in our egos. When we ask why this tortures us, it creates that which the world calls a complex.   For example; why am I so tall or the opposite, why am I so short?  That type of attitude leads to nowhere.  There are people who pray and do vigils for spiritual benefit but the opposite happens.  This person suffers and becomes angry without accomplishing anything.  While, on the other hand, with Christ, and with Grace, all evil things are banished.  For a true believer there is that something down deep within us that says why, but the Grace of God protects us against this feeling. While the root of this question is a complex and beyond this a rosebush blossoms with beautiful roses as long as it is watered with faith, love, patience, and humbleness.  In a situation like this, the devil will fail to have any power over us and will cease to exist.  In other words, it does not disappear but it wilts.  The less a rose is watered the more it wilts, it dries up, it disappears, and a thorn is formed in its place. Do you get the message?

            We can trouble God when we ask something of Him.  We become troublesome to Him when we are spiritually far away from Him.  We trouble Him when we ask something of Him because our life is not in concert with His will.  In reality, we live in opposition to God when the soul lives in sadness and agony. .

            Your spiritual father could say to you: “How I would desire to be in a quiet place, a place where there are no responsibilities, where you could tell me about your life from the beginning, from that time when you understood who you are.  A place where you could tell me all the events you remember in your life and how you dealt with them, not only the unsavory events but also the joyful ones.  I do not mean only the sins but also the good things.  And I would like to hear about your successes and your disappointments.  I want to know everything, all the things that make up your life.

            Many times I have used general confession with people and I have seen miracles result from it.  At the time you speak to your father confessor, Divine Grace comes forth and It releases you from all your unfortunate acts in life, from our wounds, your spiritual afflictions and your guilt.  This happens because when you speak to your confessor he prays fervently for the absolution of your sins.

            We should not return to the sins that we have already confessed.  Remembrance of past sins creates bad things for us.  Have we already asked for forgiveness?  It is finished.  God forgives all things through confession.  If I think that I have sinned, that I am not functioning well then I will pray about it.  I do not close it up inside of me.  I go to my father confessor.  I confess it.  It is finished.  The important thing about confession is what we are going to do with the rest of our lives.

            Despondency and desperation are the worst things.  They are a trap of Satan in order to make us lose our desire for spiritual things and to bring us to a point of desperation.

            Practically all sicknesses are the result of a lack of trust in God.  This creates sadness.  Sadness in turn creates an atmosphere which terminates our religious efforts.  If you do not have love for Christ, if you do not busy yourself with holy things, surely you will be enveloped with sadness and evil.

            One thing that can help with the feeling of oppression is work. Keep yourself occupied.  These activities can be the garden, the plants, the flowers, the trees, the outdoors, and walking.  All these things remove us from inactivity and create for us another desire other than sadness.  These things act upon us like medicine.  Our getting involved in the arts, music etc does a lot of good for our souls.  But to that which I give a lot of attention is one’s interest in the Church, in the study of Holy Scripture and Church services.  By studying the Word of God a person is healed without realizing it.

            We should not be superficial, nor should we rush to judgment of people based on their outward appearance.  We should try to enter the depths of a person’s soul.  Maybe it could be a very good soul; it could have existential issues which express themselves revealed in an outward frantic way.  The soul is dynamic.  It has the power of expression. It wants things.  It wants to attract the attention of others.  But out of spiritual ignorance, the soul has perverted things.  Just think for a moment if this soul could think about Christ.  It would then believe and all the effort that it has been vainly putting forth will now be for Christ. It will then do everything it can to attract the Grace of God.  It will become holy instead of haughty.

            Many times in our struggles and fears, and with the ugliness of our souls, without our realizing it and without our understanding it, we do bad things to people that we love very much. We give you the example of a mother’s relationship with her child.  The mother can sometimes transfer feeling of her sadness about life to her child.  She transfers to the child her negative feelings about his health, about his progress and she does this without verbalizing it. This shows that our natural love that we have for loved ones can sometimes hurt them.  But this does not happen when we have the love of Christ. This love elicits calmness through prayer and with the holiness of life.  Love makes us holy and makes us peaceful because love is God.    

Translated from the Greek by:

Fr. Constantine (Charles) J. Simones, Waterford, CT.

(http://agiasmos.blogspot.com/2013/12/st-elder-porphyrios-on-issues-of.html)

My father was recently diagnosed with dementia. I used to hear the word "dementia" and imagine insanity, blathering and drool. My father is none of those. He is ever the same humor, wit and sweetness, although he is quieter and doesn't have the same patience with the grandchildren--and he gets cold more often.

He got lost a few months ago when he was driving a few blocks on Highway Six to the post office. Unfortunately, Highway Six in the wrong direction can get a person way out of town. Hours and hours later, after we tracked him to Charleston and then back to Summerville (and at that point thinking he was coming home) he ended up out of gas way up in northeastern South Carolina, having run out of gas in the middle of the road. There was a police officer who stayed with him on the road for nearly three hours while FrM and my mother drove up to get him. The car had stopped itself next to a pond. As my mother was making phone calls, FrM chatted with the police officer, who casually took out his flashlight and shone it over the pond next to the road. Little red, beady dots covered the surface of the water. "Y'know what those are there?" says he. "Alligators?" says FrM. "S'right," says he.

It's been a while since I put anything on my blog. It was never meant to be anything but an avenue for me to record things and tales of the children I thought I might forget. I thought I would use the occasion of my father's diagnosis to start up again.

It is sad to see that my dad is cognizant enough to know that he is losing his memory. He might say to my mother, "Did you just tell me that?" Or he might only remember things just after asking something. From what I have heard, it is best to just roll with it, as if he hasn't already asked something four times in the past ten minutes. He is often quiet in social settings, sometimes just adding a few words--but something so witty it will cause a whole room to erupt in laughter. He is understandably nervous of showing himself to be lost, inattentive or just blank to the conversation.

Obviously it makes me sad. Of anyone I have ever known, my father is a man stuffed full of stories. And they're all true. Three times he might forget he bought a birthday card for my mother before we even get out of the store, but he has a very precise memory of his hometown, his childhood and his family. If we can ask nothing else for now, this is a blessing beyond measure.

A Wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it! (C.D. Tale of Two Cities)

This is IT. Orthodox in Dixie.

I am so proud of the boys at the Media Office of the Eastern American Diocese.

Orthodox in Dixie

This is a video produced by the Eastern American Diocese of ROCOR about our parish and Sts Cyril and Methodius in Summerville, SC. Below is the trailer of what will be a 30-minute production. In less than 24 hours it got 1,400 views. Originally I told the producer my biggest concern was that they might realize we are as dull as we see ourselves: plodding along, vespers, vigils, liturgies, and on and on. He assured me I was wrong. This video is someone else's exciting impression of our church life. 

The Russian Church is a missionary church. The first Russian missionaries to America came to Alaska over 200 years ago. The Russian Church sees the South as Alaska once was. Those in Russia as well as cradle-Orthodox in America are both impressed and joyful at our zeal, but at the same time baffled by us converts in the Bible Belt. I imagine the final product will express some of this, as well as highlight the various struggles of mission parishes--amidst distinctively delicious Southern victuals. The "world premiere" will be at our coffee hour on Sunday, December 16, but will be available January 1 online.

The producer has told us it has gone "viral" relative to the other videos they have made which include such notable speakers as Metropolitan Kallistos Ware, Archimandrite Irineii (Steenburg), and Fr Artemy Vladimirov. Perhaps it's because of the clever use of -doxy and -dixie--or maybe because it's only a few minutes long with a jaunty tune in the background.

Regardless, I think this video has the potential to undo a few stereotypes of both southerners and stodgy ROCOR priests. Well, maybe not the southerners...

Miracles took place and feats of confession of the Christian faith were enacted. The children of the present Head of Northern Ossetia, Taymuraz Mamsurov, were among the hostages in Beslan. When the terrorists offered to free them, he said: ‘Either all of them or else none of them’. They say that his son found a ring with the Slavonic inscription, ‘Most Holy Mother of God, save us!’ He did not understand what it was and thought it was written in Arabic. He said to one of the terrorists: ‘This is yours’. He looked at it and said’ ‘No, it’s yours, keep it’. The boy took the ring and walked out of the blazing school with it.



People were killed just because they refused to take off their neck cross. We know of one case where a terrorist went up to a woman and said, ‘Take the cross off’. She was a believer and said, ‘No’. He shot her through the hands and then though the feet and said, ‘Here are the wounds of your Christ’. And the woman and her daughter survived, even though they were seriously wounded.
  

	Beslan Today – A Photographic Record admin 3 September 2012 • Alexander FilippovEight years ago, on 1 September 2004, terrorists struck in Beslan. The hostage taking at No 1 School is on the same level as events like the shootings...

Dear Brethren,

This is just a reminder that as Orthodox we should live the life that has the resurrected Christ at the center of everything that we do. We have been given the fullness of God’s revelation to mankind in Christ and His Holy Church and it is for us to live in His Holy Church. The center of the Church is Pascha and everything that we do as Orthodox comes from our understanding of Pascha.

Pascha permeates everything. When we celebrate our nameday, it’s connected to Pascha; when we celebrate our family Slava, it’s connected to Pascha; when we have a festal meal and celebration and when we have fellowship together, it’s connected to Pascha. Pascha is the source of our joy and hope and if we remove Pascha from our lives, all of these things: namedays, Slava celebrations, festal meals, etc, all become meaningless events. In other words, they become superstitions.

As Orthodox we should attend the Paschal services on Saturday night that usher forth the brightness of the empty tomb of our Lord; we should participate in the night where the darkness is eclipsed by the brightness of the Lord. Whether we have strayed away from the Church during the year or not, we are all called to be at the Paschal services and partake of the Paschal Joy. If we know Orthodox people who have fallen away from the Church, we should invite them to join us. If we have families, we should come together as a family to Pascha. In the words of St John Chrysostom that are read every Pascha night:
“You rich and poor together, hold high festival! You sober and you heedless, honor the day!

Rejoice today, both you who have fasted. And you who have disregarded the fast. The table is full-laden; feast ye all sumptuously. The calf is fatted; let no one go hungry away. Enjoy ye all the feast of faith: Receive ye all the riches of loving-kindness.”

I look forward to seeing all of you on Pascha night and greeting you with the saving words, “Christ is risen!”

With much love in our risen Lord,
Archpriest Mark Mancuso

ST ELIZABETH'S HOLY WEEK SCHEDULE

Tonight I asked the boys if they wanted to hear some "Treesa" stories (stories from my childhood) before kissing them goodnight. They were enthusiastic. Max immediately came up with the story of "Treesa and the Bears." I said, “Treesa and the Bears?” --wracking my brain to remember any encounters I might have had with a bear or two in my youth...skunks, yes... crawdads and snakes, yes... no bears that I can remember. “Yeah,” he said, “There was a Mama Bear...? and a Baby Bear...? and you took their oatmeal…?” So, in his mind--at least for some of his childhood--his own Mama broke into a bear house, ate their porridge, and broke their furniture. I am charmed beyond words.

Their favorite story (and mine) is when Treesa, after winning a cake-baking contest against her big brother Jimmy, stuffed his losing cake in his leather church shoes because he snidely remarked he knew his cake was better than hers whether he won or not.

My beloved big brother, Jim, who is now a successful lawyer in Atlanta and a extraordinary chef, once took on his little sister in a cake baking contest. We were both in middle school and had time to kill after school before our parents got home from work. Occasionally we would make cookies, pizzas, or other miscellaneous junky and snacky foods. I don't remember how it happened but we decided to have a bake-off.

One of us was convinced he could make an amazing cake; the other knew how to read a cake recipe.

Big Brother made a two layer black-walnut cake with coconut maple brown sugar icing. Little Sister made a chocolate cake with Cool Whip wiped over the top. We decided that our mother would be the judge. After being presented with a slice from each of our cakes my mother, a natural (if not a very good) politician, said, "Well, I like Treesa's cake best because I really do like chocolate more...But Jimmy, yours is good too!"

So tonight I ask the boys, "When Jimmy made Treesa angry and she stuffed cake into his shoes, do you think Treesa got spanked?" NO! "Did Treesa have to stand in the corner?" NO! "Did Treesa get grounded from TV?" NO!

"Do you think Treesa had to clean out her brother's stinky shoes while he watched?" YES!!

Despite the genuinely disgusting nature of this (well-deserved) punishment, Treesa did have the satisfaction of telling her brother that at least his shoes smelled more like cake instead of his stinky nasty feet.

Trash and Treasure

Early last spring my eldest daughter got a job at a small health food store in town. Nearly every day she worked, she brought home expired dry-goods and/or a huge banana-box of “rotten” vegetables for my compost. “Expired” is probably a legitimate term for a stores selling dehydrated veggie crisps and gluten-free, wheat-free cranberry flax seed granola bars. But “rotten” is a term more subjective, I imagine. For health-food hippies, if you’re going to buy an organic bok choy, or organic lettuce for $5 more than you would pay at the WalMart, its leaves had better not be bent or wilted. The peppers had better be without blemish, and the asparagus ($7.99# for Pete’s sake) had better be crispy—or dipped gold if you ask me.

I really did enjoy foraging through these boxes full of often legitimately, slimy vegetables in search what a solicitous hippie might toss aside as rotten, but a humble, frugal mommy sees as cash (or slightly wilted cash) in the bank. My biggest boon was green onions, lettuce, and Swiss chard. I still can’t figure out why they threw away the lovely, crisp bunches of onions I rescued, but I won’t complain. Some of the regularly tossed items were broccoli sprouts, cilantro, parsley, sweet potatoes and kiwi. A few times I ran across a pear or a strawberry which an employee had partially eaten and tossed away. So this job of mine wasn't without its share of nastiness.

We were also given two huge salmon carcasses. I boiled one for fish stock and let the other one sit on the patio till it was positively wretched. Then I dug a big hole next to the garden and buried it there. My mom says this keeps bunnies away. Whether this helped, I'll never know. But next time, I’m going to skip the rotting fish and rely on my cats.

A few weeks into Lent Rose showed up after work with three gallons of expired, raw milk and four gallons of expired whole buttermilk. Having been making tvorog at Pascha for years, this was indeed a Godsend, and it turned out lovely. I also made buttermilk cheese which turned out very nicely too.

This year the kids and I have been dumpster diving of a different sort. I have a friend whose son built his entire treehouse from discarded lumber. There are a number of new neighborhoods popping up all around us, and since hearing this we have hauled in an amazing number of boards and posts from these dumpsters. Some are only slightly warped or knotty, and most of them are treated deck lumber. But they are entirely useful for our purposes.

At one house we visited there was a long board just waiting for us. We pulled it out and pushed it carefully into the back of our van. Just then, around the corner came a man with two other long boards on his shoulder. We thought we were going to get into trouble, but he asked, "Would you like these too? And there are a few more in the back I'll go get for you." Apparently he was making the stairs for the back door and had just finished his job. We were delighted and happy to accommodate.

Now I no longer have any excuses for not building the treehouse, the chicken coop, the picnic table and the miscellaneous other things I have wanted to do since buying this house with the acre of woods at the back. I got a miter saw for Christmas. So that with my circular saw and my jigsaw should be enough for us to get started on something soon.

I have wondered, though, which were worth more before they were thrown away, the banana boxes of organic veggies or the pile of lumber.

Homemade Laundry Detergent

Homemade laundry detergent has been my best discovery in years. It is simple and inexpensive. I made my first batch two months ago and I still haven't made a dent in the five-gallon bucket I made.

Here's the recipe:

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha soap bar (I have heard you can use any kind of bar-soap, but I don't know)
1 Cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½ Cup Borax

Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.

Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores or may be purchased online. Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must must be sodium carbonate.

I'm grateful there are enough homemakers in Lexington, SC that the WalMart has all three items right next to each other on the shelf. I found this at the Duggar Family Website.

This is by a Facebook friend of mine (Matushka Ann Lardas) on today's saint, Xenia.

[I] am thinking about the first Christians, and how they lived in a world that was okay with infanticide and all kinds of deviance and took money from them to fund their own persecution, and yet they not only survived, they overcame. Why? Through the power of their very great love for God and for each other. When they were first killed, they had no way of knowing if there would ever be more Christians. But they didn't think about "legacy," they thought about salvation, and a nation and an empire and the world was transformed. Today's amazing St. Xenia was named for the martyr St. Xenia, a rich patrician who didn't want her family to stop her from being a Christian, so when the Romans arrested her and asked her name, she replied only "Xenia," meaning, "Stranger." We are strangers here. This world does not reflect or revere our values. But through love, we can be transformed, and in the process, a thousand souls can be saved around us.

Love is stronger than hate, and through Christ, life is stronger than death.

Stand Fast and Watch

Stand fast on spiritual watch, because you don’t know when the Lord will call you to Himself. In your earthly life be ready at any moment to give Him an account. Beware that the enemy does not catch you in his nets, that he not deceive you causing you to fall into temptation. Daily examine your conscience; try the purity of your thoughts, your intentions.

There was a king who had a wicked son. Having no hope that he would change for the better, the father condemned the son to death. He gave him a month to prepare.

The month went by, and the father summoned the son. To his surprise he saw that the young man was noticeably changed: his face was thin and drawn, and his whole body looked as if it had suffered.

“How is it that such a transformation has come over you, my son?” the father asked.

“My father and my lord,” replied the son, “how could I not change when each passing day brought me closer to death?”

“Good, my son,” remarked the king. “Since you have evidently come to your senses, I shall pardon you. However, you must maintain this vigilant disposition of soul for the rest of your life.”

“Father,” replied the son, “that’s impossible. How can I withstand the countless seductions and temptations?”

Then the king ordered that a vessel be brought, full of oil, and he told his son:

“Take this vessel and carry it along all the streets of the city. Following you will be two soldiers with sharp swords. If you spill so much as a single drop they will cut off your head.”

The son obeyed. With light, careful steps, he walked along all the streets, the soldiers accompanying him, and he did not spill a drop.

When he returned to the castle, the father asked,

“My son, what did you see as you were walking through the city?”

“I saw nothing.”

“What do you mean, ‘nothing’?” said the king.

“Today is a holiday; you must have seen the booths with all kinds of trinkets, many carriages, people animals…”

“I didn’t notice any of that,” said the son. “All my attention was focussed on the oil in the vessel. I was afraid to spill a drop and thereby lose my life.”

“Quite right, my son,” said the king. “Keep this lesson in mind for the rest of you life. Be as vigilant over your soul as you were today over the oil in the vessel. Turn your thoughts away from what will soon pass away, and keep them focused on what is eternal. You will be followed not by armed soldiers but by death to which we are brought closer by every day. Be very careful to guard your soul from all ruinous temptations.”

The son obeyed his father, and lived happily.

Watch, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. (I Cor. 16:13).

The Apostle gives Christians this important counsel to bring their attention to the danger of this world, to summon them to frequent examination of their hearts, because without this one can easily bring to ruin the purity and ardor of one’s faith and unnoticeably cross over to the side of evil and faithlessness.

Just as a basic concern is to be careful of anything that might be harmful to our physical health, so our spiritual concern should watch out for anything that might harm our spiritual life and the work of faith and salvation. Therefore, carefully and attentively assess your inner impulses: are they from God or from the spirit of evil? Beware of temptations from this world and from worldly people; beware of hidden inner temptations which come from the spirit of indifference and carelessness in prayer, from the waning of Christian love.

If we turn our attention to our mind, we notice a torrent of successive thoughts and ideas. This torrent is uninterrupted; it is racing everywhere and at all times: at home, in church, at work, when we read, when we converse. It is usually called thinking, writes Bishop Theophan the Recluse, but in fact it is a disturbance of the mind, a scattering, a lack of concentration and attention. The same happens with the heart. Have you ever observed the life of the heart? Try it even for a short time and see what you find.

Something unpleasant happens, and you get irritated; some misfortune occurs, and you pity yourself; you see someone whom you dislike, and animosity wells up within you; you meet one of your equals who has now outdistanced you on the social scale, and you begin to envy him; you think of your talents and capabilities, and you begin to grow proud… All this is rottenness: vainglory, carnal desire, gluttony, laziness, malice-one on top of the other, they destroy the heart.

And all of this can pass through the heart in a matter of minutes. For this reason one ascetic, who was extremely attentive to himself, was quite right in saying that

“man’s heart is filled with poisonous serpents. Only the hearts of saints are free from these serpents, the passions.”

But such freedom is attained only through a long and difficult process of self-knowledge, working on oneself and being vigilant towards one’s inner life, i.e., the soul.

Be careful. Watch out for your soul! Turn your thoughts away from what will soon pass away and turn them towards what is eternal. Here you will find the happiness that your soul seeks, that your heart thirsts for.

(Translated from Pravoslavnaya Rus) and taken from

ORTHODOX AMERICA, Vol. XIV, No. 2-3, September-October, 1993

St. John of Shanghai

Octopodes and Pocketses

I didn't know that the plural of octopus is neither octopi nor octopuses, but rather, octopods or octopodes. It doesn't much matter because this is indeed a story of just one octopus, a baby one.

On Orthodox Christmas Eve, I asked my daughter, Rose, and her young man, David, to take the children home from church after the morning liturgy. Instead of going home, David took them all out to eat so they could go Christmas shopping before the evening vigil. Since this was the final day of the Christmas fast, they went to an Eastern Buffet. One of the items on the buffet was baby octopus, which of course delighted the children--especially the crocodile hunter himself.

Max put a few on his plate. After eating one leg he decided it was less appealing in his mouth than on his plate.

During their shopping trip David overheard the Marko whispering intensely to his brother, "Put it back in your pocket!" Max put "it" back, but David was suspicious, thinking the boys were shoplifting.

"Max, what have you got in your pocket?"
"Nuthin"
"Max what's in your pocket? Take it out."

Out came the octopus to the amusement of everyone around.

"Max, put it back in your pocket."

However, a few hours later, at Christmas Eve vigil, David recalled that the octopus was probably still in Max's pocket.

Orthodox canons restrict any blood in the altar; neither are dead animals allowed. Despite this dead animal not being bloody, but lightly seasoned and probably linty, it was still a dead animal.

"Max do you still have that octopus in your pocket?"
"Yeah."
"You need to get rid of it. Throw it in the men's bathroom trash."

So like a good little altar boy, he got rid of it.

Later on in the evening, as David shared the tale with Josh. Josh said he had seen it in the trashcan and had thought to himself, "Hm. That's either a very fleshy spider--or an octopus."

Although this made me laugh when Margaret retold the story to me this morning, my lingering thought was something my husband often says: "however bizarre some of the Orthodox canonical regulations seem, they are written for a spiritual or practical reason, and probably had a particular historical event guiding their origin."

Christmas Letter 2011

OK. I give up. It's not going to happen. I put together my Christmas letter thinking I would be able to send it out at least by Orthodox Christmas. But I put off too many things that when I should have done it, other events (including the passing of one our beloved friend and one of our church founders, Dusan) delayed its printing. So I will publish it here in hopes I can direct some of my family to the Blog to receive our belated-belated Christmas greetings.

Christmas Greetings from

the Mancusos!

It must seem strange getting a Christmas card in January, right?

In our church Christ’s birth is celebrated on January 7. As a family we have been giving out presents on December 25 and going to church for Christmas on January 7. This year our family decided to follow the tradition of our Orthodox church when celebrating Christmas. If you Google “Julian Calendar” and “Gregorian Calendar,” all of this will be clear. As for us, this means I get 13 extra days to order presents online, get discounted goodies, and write Christmas letters!

This is going to be a long Christmas letter because we have had a year like we haven’t had in a long time. Our oldest daughter, Rose, left for college in August, and we’ve been adjusting ever since. Because she has been my unpaid babysitter for nearly a decade, we have had to learn how to do simple things as a group. It has required a little re-training and re-adjusting. In her absence, the house acquired a simple rhythm and peaceful chaos. But, since Rose is only 90 minutes away at Coker College in Hartsville, SC, we get to return to our normal mega-chaos every now and then.

Rose is doing very well in school. She received almost a full scholarship to college and is studying music-education, which is a double-major. She was the only freshman accepted into the chamber choir. Since she has been home-schooled almost all her life, our biggest fear was her adjusting to a normal academic setting. Despite some misadventures her first semester, she is now thriving both socially and academically without us—which is more a relief than you can imagine.

Ella is likewise loving school. She is breezing through her math and history programs, reading anything and everything within her reach. One of her birthday presents was a book-light. For Ella it was being given a brand-new privilege: reading at night. She is singing soprano in our church choir and is excelling in her piano lessons.

Margaret is likewise taking piano lessons and seems to be vocally and musically inclined like her sisters. Even though she sometimes struggles academically, she makes up for it all with her wit and good humor. A couple months ago she decided to dig a catfish pond in our woods. The hole is now six feet deep and eight feet wide. We haven’t yet figured out how we will ever keep water in the pond (or keep the catfish alive, named Vladimir and Gabriel), but we’re having fun all the same.

Max and Mark are consummate boys. During baseball season they are outside dreaming of baseball and tumbling all over each other with a baseball before school hours. During football season they are outside calling plays and tumbling all over each other with a football before school hours. After school they tumble and roll with whatever sports imagery they need. This is a new kind of academic beast for me. My daily goal is just to hold them down long enough so they can learn to read, to do math and chores.

This year we have travelled and vacationed more than ever. Margaret and Rose travelled to Ohio to attend the 90^th birthday party of my Great-Aunt Margaret in July. They returned with historical tales and genealogical inquisitiveness.In September our family took our first long vacation in over 10 years to a beach house in Myrtle Beach. Despite nearly losing my youngest son in the ocean during a rip-tide, we enjoyed our time immensely, going to an aquarium, a water park, an historic plantation, and a pirate dinner-theater. The last day we went to the beach at sunrise and saw thousands of fish silhouetted in the waves and jumping out of the water. Ella and Max actually saw a shark make one of those nature-channel jumps by the pier. The whole experience was more than magical and truly relaxing (except for the rip-tide incident, obviously).

In November the youngest four and I took a road-trip through North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky and Ohio. We met up with my sister and my parents in Lexington, KY to visit some of the horse racing sites in the area.

At Thanksgiving, a few days later, my brother and his family, my sister and her two kids, and I with the youngest four stayed in the historic Hadley/Harvey home in Wilmington, Ohio. We partook of the traditionally magnificent Hadley-Farm Thanksgiving Feast with homemade pies, caramels and more sides than one could ever imagine (there was also turkey). My cousin Christine and her husband opened up the 200+ year old museum-house so we could “camp” there for three days. The children played football in the front yard and spent hours looking at the mammoth tusks, arrowheads, deer-heads, and innumerable other artifacts contained in the house and barn. We heard intriguing family history that culminated in a tour of the Quaker church and cemetery in which many of my ancestors are buried.

We took an Eastern route home, making a spontaneous visit with my cousin David and his family on the way. The children enjoyed playing lava-monster and parachuting with their long-distance cousins. On our way home we drove the loopy and hilly roads of Southern Ohio on our way to visit an Orthodox monastery in West Virginia. There we visited with friends, petted goats, saw soap- incense- and candle-making rooms, and walked over the mountains in the rain. The boys went through five pairs of pants within 3 hours because of rain and mud puddles.

In early December Fr Mark and I went to Miami, Florida for a clergy conference. I hadn’t planned to attend, but a parishioner donated his flyer miles so I could go. Coincidentally, it happened that the day we left was our 20^th anniversary. Even though we were supposed to leave on separate flights, my flight was so ridiculously delayed that the airline allowed me to reschedule with Fr Mark. Even though we were supposed to be separate, we ended up riding together on this historic flight side-by-side.

In Miami we were given a tour of the city on an open-air double-decker bus—and yes, we were on top. We then took an airboat tour of the Everglades, including an exotic animal exhibit, culminating in an alligator handling—yikes!

The next day, during a church service, Fr Mark was made archpriest. This is a huge honor for him and our little parish. Usually it is given to priests after fifteen years; Fr Mark was made archpriest after eleven. I’m not sure if I can express how proud I am of him, but I will take this opportunity to say so. It is well deserved and hard-won, Glory to God.

I am still painting, working to beautify the new church we acquired last year in December. It is an honor beyond words to be able to be able to do so.

Yes, this was a long Christmas letter. I apologize for it’s length, even though I won’t say it was tardy!

May Our Lord Jesus Christ bless you and keep you and grant you peace and joy in the New Year!

With love from,
The Mancuso Family
2011