Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Insanity-Crazy-Crazy

I don't know if right now I'm going through the change.

Everyone else's behavior makes me wonder.

I imagine it's like having a person tell you you're paranoid. How do you respond?

What if everyone around me is just acting like a mean, angry, and insensitive 3, 5, 7, 8, 15 & 40-year old?

Or is it just me?

I am, seriously--seriously--a danged nice and agreeable person most of the time.

Or, is everyone else is the problem?

The change might suggest it is.

A rational person might suggest I am under a great deal of stress and I sometimes project my stress upon others.

Especially when I ask them nicely to clean their rooms.

Boy! Is that a big projection--not to mention an irrationally hormonal expectation, for crying out loud?

So let's talk about today. Rose did her school work nicely. Ella is doing her school work totally without complaint (wow--the earth is spinning off its axis in joy). Margaret--great as usual. Max--hello!--he wants to do school too!

Wow, look at me, I'm homeschooling four children and juggling a toddler.

I am amazing.

Then comes lunch. No I want this I want that no she touched me he touched me she keeps singing and he keeps beeping and on and on and on and on and on.

Then I realize I'm not amazing.

Sometimes I clock myself when I sit down with a book, or on the couch, or at the computer. Seriously--0:16 seconds go by and I have to stop what I am doing. Then I say: "Children, leave the room--Mama needs some quiet." I assign various tasks, which, in a perfect or perhaps a moderately imperfect, nay, the REAL WORLD, ought to keep the children occupied for at least five minutes. 0:16 seconds after sitting down with a pillow over my head: "Mama--Max is licking the puzzle!"

"Max, for crying out loud, stop licking the puzzle!"

quiet for 0:16 seconds.

Max: "Mom I just wanted to let you know..."

Mom: "Yes?"

Max: "Mom I just wanted to let you know..."

Margaret: "MAX!! COME HERE!!"

Max: "I'll tell you later!"

quiet for 0:16 seconds.

Margaret: "Mom, guess what?"

"Yes?"

--

"What is it Margaret?"

"I forgot... Um. "

"Oh for crying out loud just tell me!! What do you want to say?? I will listen to you--but just say it!!"

" Um "

I don't know if right now I'm going through the change.

Everyone else's behavior makes me wonder.

I imagine it's like having a person tell you you're paranoid. How do you respond?

What if everyone around me is just acting like a mean, angry, and insensitive 3, 5, 7, 8, 15 & 40-year old?

Or is it just me?
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